She keeps reaching for me.  
Then, just as quick, pushes me further away again,
as if she wouldn’t be able to stretch that far.
She can. She will. And she’ll repeat this action like it’s the first time.

I know what I am to her.
I know I’m not what she’s after.
I know I’m not what she’s looking for.
I know she’s settling with me.
And I know I’ll put up with this.
Until I’m empty.
Until I have nothing left.
Maybe then, she’ll know what she wants.

For your consideration

For your consideration
I need to say
everything you’d like to hear.

For your consideration
I need to mention
keywords you’d like to hear.

So please
consider me:
IT literate
Able to use my own initiative
As someone who enjoys working as part of a team
As someone who enjoys working on my own
As someone who admires you
As someone who is trying their very best to better themselves
As someone who really needs this
As someone

For your consideration
thank you for telling me
everything you think I’d like to hear.
Thank you for your interest
Received many applications
Good luck

For your consideration
when you ask for
everything you’d like to hear
and some
and you receive this
and some
why is it still
never enough?

For your consideration
why am I never enough?


the smell of you lingers  
you linger 
you’re dangerous  
or perhaps it’s me 
I’m dangerous

I don’t know when to stop
I don’t know how to stop 
I can’t 
I don’t want to

I watch you swarm and smother everything within your reach    
you possess, you claim 
you’re powerful

I’m possessed, I’m claimed
I’m powerless

That sound

All I hear is that silent sound.
I worry,
will I hear anything else?
Anything more?
Anything ever?
I want noise.
I long for it. I crave it. Please.
Even if it’s only a whisper. Just a whisper.
Some people want to find peace and quiet,
I’m not one of those people.
Give me constant fireworks, sirens, children screaming and dogs barking!
Let me hear that loud sound.
Just once.

I hear you

In the UK, it’s Sign Language Week. This time, in 2003, the British Government officially recognised Sign Language as a language.

I’m a big advocate for the D/deaf community, and for Sign Language. I recognise and value its importance. When classes start up again, I’m hoping to start learning for my BSL level 2.

Communicating can sometimes be quite difficult – maybe even frustrating. And not just for the deaf and hard of hearing.

Having watched “Two guns in the sky for Daniel Harris” being powerfully read by poet Raymond Antrobus and signed by an interpreter, I’ve was inspired to try something similar.

I think this poem, “I hear you”, is my favourite in my book, Between the Lines.

Massive thank you to my mum for filming this, to Juliet McConnell for editing, and to my BSL tutor, Simon Moore for making sure I interpreted the poem properly.

Between the Lines is available via this link:


The oddly satisfying sound of those delicate yellow, orange crispy fingernail size flakes smothered in, and cracking with the weight of the cold, off-white vegan milk, actually makes my day.  My week, perhaps.  I don’t have a lot of other thrilling things happening in my world right now.  And that’s ok. I’m still grateful. I’m going to have another bowl.